The Power of “Good” Internal Dialogue
We all talk to ourselves. Some of us mumble quietly, some of us mutter out loud. But the wheels are always turning in our minds. We all experience internal chatter. Our inner dialogue is nothing more then a reflection of our thoughts and our thoughts create our reality. Getting a handle on our self talk is one of the most powerful things that we can do for ourselves. Our internal conversations can cheer us on or sabotage us.
We constantly speak to our selves about: ourselves, others and the world around us. We are always gathering information, making assessments and using internal discourse to validate our experience and beliefs.When it comes down to it, our internal dialogue is simply the process of forming thoughts. Our thoughts are nothing more then words and visual representations (the pictures we form in our minds). Unfortunately, many people have internal dialogue that feels out of control and unhealthy.
When we are not in charge of our self talk, our well being can suffer on all levels. Our thinking affects our mind, body and spirit. In addition, when our internal dialogue is unhealthy it “leaks” out into our interactions and relationships with others. We pass on the results of poor internal dialogue on to our children, spouses, friends, co-workers etc. Plenty of emotional damage can be traced back to unhealthy internal dialogue…undisciplined and runaway self talk that becomes toxic.
Thanks to “The Secret,” and other alternative teachings, most people have a basic understanding that our thoughts are powerful. Plenty of people know the importance of being “positive” however; we can see that most people’s understanding is pretty superficial. What most people do not fully appreciate is that our runaway thoughts are programming our subconscious mind through their intensity and through repetition. Our subconscious mind is pretty significant; is the very core of our being.
The subconscious mind takes care of every cell in our body. It is the seat of our identity and it stores our memories. The subconscious is very literal; it does not question what you tell it. That is the job of the conscious mind, to analyze and reach cause and effect conclusions. The subconscious mind is a servo-mechanism, we give it a GOAL and it goes for it.
The goal given to the subconscious mind through self talk can be a good thing or not, the subconscious mind does not make judgments. We can give it commands through our internal dialogue that have the potential to bring us great joy or make us feel physically sick. Often clients will come to sessions hoping to still their minds and quiet the internal chatter. The internal dialogue can sometimes feel out of control.
There is often an intense desire to be able to pull a switch that will just turn off the thoughts. Often people who experience difficulties with sleep will complain about not being able to shut off their minds and still the inner chatter. People who are sick often and/or who experience feelings of being overwhelmed seem to have internal dialogue that feels out of control.
The truth is that our internal dialogue IS very powerful and it IS within the control of the majority of people. Experiential hypnosis (collaborative, hands on) can be a powerful method for coming to terms with the power of self talk. Clients who experience “voices” and/or have been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder are not candidates for the use of hypnosis to manage the normal internal dialogue that we all experiences and are referred elsewhere.
Once we begin to understand the subconscious mind and develop a respect for its power we realize that we MUST take charge of our internal dialogue. Since the subconscious mind takes care of our well being we must develop THOUGHT HABITS that are consistent with what we want. It takes some discipline to develop new internal dialogue or thought habits, but it can be done. We do this through training, repetition, engaging the senses and when this is practiced at both the conscious and subconscious level, new thought habits can be formed.
Managing our internal dialogue is much more realistic then aiming to stop our thoughts. Interrupting unhealthy internal dialogue and replacing it makes more sense then trying to turn off our minds. We need to engage in honest self discovery if we are to initiate lasting change. Even when we are asleep our subconscious mind continues to do its thing, playing out and processing information from the day.
Here is a challenge for you…take a day or two and begin to pay attention to your inner dialogue. Don’t censor it, just become aware of it. It can be quite an eye opening experience. You may be surprise by how negative you are about yourself, others and the world around you. Negative internal dialogue sets up to FEEL negative emotionally. The thought comes first and then the feeling! Try asking yourself what you were just thinking when you get a feeling you don’t like. Chances are that the thought wasn’t very uplifting. You can analyze it or you can just change it. Yes, change the thought. Yes, it can be that easy with a little practice. What is the alternative? Some people do choose to continue the day (or life) with the negative frame of mind. They are certainly entitled to do those as long as it is not infringing on others.
One of the problems is that when we do not discipline our negative internal dialogue it often leaks into our interactions with others. Unfortunately children are often taking the brunt of adult’s unwillingness to assume responsibility for their internal dialogue/thoughts/verbal leakage.
Even more then adults, children internalize the messages of the world around them. Children are impressionable and do not have the ability to assess the validity, meaning or source of uncaring, insensitive comments or remarks. “What’s wrong with you” and “Don’t be so dumb” become internalize and the internal dialogue becomes “What’s wrong with me? I must be dumb.” As adults we have a difficult time shrugging off slights and rude remarks and yet, we expect children to have an ability that so few adults have mastered. We expect children to not take it personally, make nice and move on. Sometimes we don’t realize that our thought leakage (out of control/ undisciplined negative internal dialogue) has damaging consequences to self esteem and identity.
Another concern with negative internal dialogue is that it can set us up to feel bad physically. As has been mentioned, our subconscious mind is literal and it takes care of the well being of every cell in our body. There is no longer any doubt as to the mind/body connection. Around the world creative thought, guided visualization, hypnosis and other alternative modalities are being used as powerful adjuncts to western medicine.
Clients, who feel overwhelmed, stressed and tired usually use words and visual representations that leave them feeling depleted of energy and hope. For example:
“My head is killing me.”
“I am so tired, I am dragging myself around.”
“I can’t stand it any more”
“I will never get it right.”
“I am so sick and tired of …”
“I feel fat.”
“What is wrong with people these days?”
What we say to ourselves matters…plenty! Here is an example that I like to use to paint a picture of how our body responds to our mind talk:
When I sneeze my conditioned automatic internal dialogue goes something along these lines “It is wonderful that my body is so intelligent that it knows to get rid of that. My body is already beginning to do whatever it needs to do to stay healthy.”
Now I am not denying the sneeze or the possibility of a cold/flu and I certainly will honors my body by getting into bed early, drinking extra fluids and taking my vitamins. The other internal dialogue that I could get into when I sneeze is this: “Oh no! I am getting a cold/flu! This is horrible I will be stuck in bed all weekend.” What my mind will now do is begin to review past “sick episodes” and be reminded of what it feels like to experience a cold/flu: the lack of energy, the runny nose, the sore muscles, the sore nose from blowing it, the scratchy throat etc. When my internal dialogue gives my literal subconscious mind that message it will respond with…”OK.”
We must take charge of our internal dialogue. What we say to ourselves does impact our well being on many levels. It effects how we feel emotionally and physically. It affects how we perceive the world around us and it impacts our interactions and relationships with others. We can learn to be on top of our internal dialogue by being on top of our thinking. Most people are capable of developing new thought habits and when they do, they find that it is well worth the effort and commitment.
Terri Lee Cooper RSW NLP_M DCH
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